[librarian rants/raves/comments]

These are all copywritten by...somebody else. I just found them amusing...

[top ten reasons to become a librarian]

10. Seemed like a novel idea at the time.
9. Catalog paycheck under "Humor."
8. Can change name to Marian.
7. Know proper bait for microfiche.
6. Special relationship with Melville Dewey.
5. Unlimited alphabetizing.
4. Augment vast income with library fines.
3. Reading trashy novels on work time is called "Book Review."
2. Exercise shh-er daily.
And the number one reason to become a librarian is...
Be caretaker and repository of all human wisdom (and folly!)

[why you should fall to your knees and worship a librarian]

Ok, sure. We've all got our little preconceived notions about what librarians are and what they do. Many people think of them as diminutive civil servants, scuttling about "Sssh-ing" people and stamping things. Well, think again, buster.

Librarians have degrees. They go to graduate school for Information Science and become masters of data systems and human/computer interaction. Librarians can catalogue anything from an onion to a dog's ear. They could catalogue you. Librarians wield unfathomable power. With a flip of the wrist they can hide your dissertation behind piles of old Field and Stream magazines. They can find data for your term paper that you never knew existed. They may even point you toward new and appropriate subject headings.

People become librarians because they know too much. Their knowledge extends beyond mere categories. They cannot be confined to disciplines. Librarians are all-knowing and all-seeing. They bring order to chaos. They bring wisdom and culture to the masses. They preserve every aspect of human knowledge. Librarians rule. And they will kick the crap out of anyone who says otherwise.

[Top Ten Librarian Button Slogans]

Top ten slogans for buttons to be worn by librarians:

10. Is that a barcode reader in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

9. I'm a cataloger. Please speak clearly and spell proper nouns.
8. Where's your title page, godammit?
7. I read AACR2 in bed...what do you do in bed?
6. "Cybrarian" doesn't quite cover it...I'm a WEB GODDESS.
5. Yes, I'm a librarian. No, I can't clear your overdue fines for you.
4. Stranger on plane: "You're a librarian? Oh--I have some overdue books." Librarian: "Yes...I know."
3. Please, please, don't ask me for any more books about dinosaurs.
2. Everything you've heard about librarians is true, except the part about wearing glasses and buns and being boring.
1. The American Library Association conference: 14,000 librarians in search of alcohol, sex, and cheap reference materials.